Pregnancy and Infant Loss

Usually when we grieve due to the loss of a loved one, we grieve the loss of someone we knew for many years, someone we have talked to and shared many memories with.  We miss something, or rather someone, who was there with us for many years.  But for those who lose their own children through miscarriage, still birth, ectopic pregnancy, infant death, or SIDS “You have to deal with the loss of your hopes and dreams, ” as one woman who experienced infant loss wrote. It is hard enough to grieve for something/someone that we had and then now miss.  It is even harder though to grieve over something that we’ve always wanted but never had, or better put, had always wanted to love but which was only here with us for a brief while. 

Last Wednesday evening we celebrated a Mass to offer prayers for those little members of our community who went to God too soon, and to try to comfort one another in the midst of loss.

The children who have gone to God were represented during Mass in the sanctuary by lit candles. 

I could almost feel the presence of the children there at the Mass as I looked at the candles.  One could almost sense that they were there praying with us.

During the Mass, mothers went up and lit a candle. Some lit two, three, four. 

Dr. Shaddy played profound, healing music.

I thank parishioner Carol Moscarello, the head of our Elizabeth Ministry, for coordinating the event.   Please contact Carol at 732-691-6001 or Moscarellocarol@yahoo.com if you would like to join the Elizabeth Ministry here at St. Gregory’s and offer help and support to families with unborn and newborn children.  Elizabeth Ministry is an international movement offering encouragement, hope and healing to people in the areas of childbearing, sexuality and relationships.  The ministry is based on the visitation story of Mary and Elizabeth in the Gospel of St. Luke.

What is Marriage?

With all the efforts to redefine marriage in our culture, I believe that it is important to stop and reflect for a moment on what exactly the Church and natural law tradition teach that it is. 

Marriage is “a covenant or partnership of life between a man and a woman, which is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and upbringing of children” (Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 1601; see also Code of Canon Law canon 1055 §1 and the Statutes of the Fourth Synod of the Diocese of Trenton, statute 256). 

“[M]atrimonial consent is an act of the will by which a man and a woman mutually give and accept each other through an irrevocable covenant in order to establish marriage” (canon 1057, §2). 

In this definition we see four characteristics that we all should remember when it comes to marriage:

• It is a permanent bond or relationship.  I remember hearing once about a couple who wanted to write their own wedding vows and change them to “for as long as we shall love” rather than “for as long as we shall live”!  We use the latter formula. 
• It is a relationship that is open to children and new life.
• It is an exclusive relationship in which a certain type of love and physical intimacy is for the couple to share with each other only.
•  It is between one man and one woman.

We believe that this description of marriage is a gift that we have received that we want to share with others.  To share Truth with others is also a spiritual work of mercy.  May we see the institution of marriage – which Jesus elevated to the status of a sacrament when it is between two baptized Christians – as a gift!

First Letter of John

One of my favorite books of the Bible is the First Letter of John. 

It is so richly centered and focused on the Lord Jesus, and it shows us how true belief in Jesus must result in love.  “Love each other” we hear in I Jn 4:7.  Of all the things that we do and believe as parishioners of St. Gregory the Great, love is at the heart of who we are.  Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI once described love as the “style” of the believer, in a talk he gave in St. Peter’s Square in 2010.  Is there no love in your heart? Then you do not know God, John tells us.  May this teaching challenge and inspire us!

For St. John, furthermore, love is not fundamentally about warm feelings.  I like greeting card stores as much as anyone else; I go to the Hamilton Marketplace every so often to look for cards or gifts for family members or to look for decorations to put around the rectory offices or other places. For St. John though, love must be grounded and rooted explicitly in the person of Jesus Christ, the Commandments and truth. To not love our neighbor/brother/sister is a serious matter; it is a sin for which we will one day be held accountable by God in some way.  Love is bold and self-sacrificing; it is Christ giving His own life for us on the Cross forgiving us of our sins!   

We learn these profound lessons and many more from the First Letter of John.  May they help us to live out our unofficial motto here at St. Greg’s: “Where there is love, great things happen.”

Priestly Promises

I was thinking today about the promises that I made at my Ordination – both my Ordination to transitional diaconate and to priesthood.  (A priest is ordained as a “transitional” deacon, as opposed to permanent diaconate, for a period of usually up to one year before priesthood).  I look back on these promises from time to time to see if I am ‘measuring up’ to God and to the people I serve.  Of course I do not fulfill them perfectly, but as priests we try. 

Here are just some of them:

At Ordination I promised respect and obedience to my bishop (I was ordained by Bishop John Smith) and his successors (now Bishop David O’Connell). I resolved to “celebrate the mysteries of Christ [especially the sacraments and other liturgies and rituals] faithfully and religiously as the Church has handed them down to us.” I resolved to “maintain and deepen a spirit of prayer” and to celebrate faithfully the Liturgy of the Hours.

At Ordination I resolved to “remain celibate for the sake of the kingdom.” I resolved to unite myself “more closely every day to Christ the High Priest.” What a grace-filled way of life!  I am so lucky to work and minister with two wonderful priests here at the parish: Fr. Mike Hall, my parochial vicar and Director of the Office of Worship for the Diocese of Trenton, and Fr. Jay Bowden, who as a “retired” priest is as busy as ever!   I learn many things about being a priest from both of these men, who strive to live out their promises as well. 

Thank you for allowing us to exercise our priestly ministry here at St. Gregory’s.  It is a privilege.  Thank you also for praying for us – we of course pray for you – and please pray for more vocations to the priesthood!  There may be a future priest in your own family!

The 36th Annual Family Carnival is here!!

I was honored last night to “light the midway” at our 36^th Annual Family Carnival! Thank you to Jerry Madaio and the Carnival Committee and Mary Theresa Weil and the Carnival Sponsorship team for all the work they did all year to prepare for this week. I’ve discovered that the Carnival is such a big event that it requires year long preparation! I also thank all the volunteers from our parish community who will help us this week.

I am learning that the Carnival here at St. Gregory’s is not just a fundraiser for our school. It is also a cultural event that people throughout the area look forward to. I extend a welcome not only to the guests who will come on our grounds but also to the workers who are visiting us this week.   

It is funny how certain life experiences prepare you in a way that you could never imagine.  The summer between my graduation from high school and college I worked at carnivals in northern New Jersey. I worked for a family in town at their travelling company Robart Amusements.

I got to know the family I worked for very well and was like another son to them that summer.  I stayed overnight with them in a trailer one night for goodness’ sake!  The bunk bed I slept in was like a sardine can.  I am very thankful for having experienced carnival life.  I never could have imagined at that time in 1997 that one day I would be the pastor of a parish that hosted a very large carnival.  

I will never forget a man I met at a carnival in Flemington, New Jersey.  I started to talk with him and told him I was considering priesthood.  I confided in him that I was having a hard time embracing it.  He responded to me: “Why don’t you let it embrace you?” He helped me continue on the journey toward priesthood.

May you and your families enjoy this week --- and always realize that God can speak to you in the most unlikeliest of places!  Enjoy the Carnival.